With shock I’ve just realised that my last post on this blog was nearly four months ago. And it has taken that long to feel able to write again. You see, I’ve been in a state of hibernation. I left my job and have been away from my husband for nearly two months. Oh, we haven’t separated in terms of marriage. He simply understood my need to escape and get away. To be alone for some time. That time is coming to a rapid end and I have only a few more weeks to myself.
It has been a much needed break from everything. Time to read, to think. I’ve even had time to write, but haven’t felt able to.
Certain episodes have taken place over the last few months that are barely worth recounting here. But, for the record, I have discovered that I am able to have a vaginal orgasm (i.e. no clitoral stimulation) for the first time in my life. That’s progress, eh? And I’ve been testing new waters – venturing into the world of BDSM. My objective is to push my boundaries and try to break out of this shell-like armour I have built. Occasionally, I do glimpse something of the old me. I’ve been practicing letting my emotions surface. Its difficult. They’ve been kept under wraps for so long. Physical pain is one way to unleash them.
I feel calmer. Perhaps more centred, more me. Whoever that is.