To bolt

I find it interesting that the word ‘bolt’ has both the meaning of restraint and escape..

I feel trapped, bolted into a situation I want to bolt from. One evening this week I was out for dinner with the husband, in-laws and other members of their family. The conversation turned to super injunctions and Strauss-Kahn’s alleged rape of a chamber maid in NY… and to serial adultery. A sudden cold panic gripped me as I tried to look calm and nod at the appropriate comments. I was shocked to hear their views: that someone who is a serial liar, such as a serial adulterer cannot possibly be trusted in any aspect of life, including their job. They were all very vocal and opinionated on the subject matter. I remained quiet, trying to think of ways to deflect the conversation onto other topics. Eventually I succeeded, yet had to endure an evening of heavy hints and passive-aggressive talk about babies (or lack of).

Ever since then, I have had this incredible urge to bolt. I look at flights almost daily, trying to find ways to escape this bolt hole. Evenings like that feel like a noose around my neck, getting tighter and tighter until I cannot breathe (and sadly not in any erotic sense).

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1 Comment

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One response to “To bolt

  1. How strange, I too have been thinking of the word bolt. There is an Augie March song about love being a bolt from the blue, and it being nothing more than a glorified screw. For a few months now my mind has been playing with this imagery of love and sex being bolts and screws holding things together tightly, or not. Screws that hold me down, or the lack of screws that leave me loose and unhinged and unable to operate properly. I had not thought of the layer to it of bolting to escape.

    What a horrid conversation to have to endure, I have also been there. Do you find that you can often pick an adulterer out of a group in such a conversation by their fervor condemning cheating and lying? I am very careful in these times especially, taking a leaf out of the Thompsons Gazelle’s survival book – having faith in my well maintained camouflage, and laying still and low until danger has past.

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